he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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