He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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