I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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