By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
