New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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