Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
two words...techno handjob
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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