Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
