I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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