I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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