It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
