I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
soo... how was my night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
