Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
