I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
