I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Enjoy the penises
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize