So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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