Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
