Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
