if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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