Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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