i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
