I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
