If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
