I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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