I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just pee around me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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