he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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