someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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