It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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