so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
