I hate all girls vehemently.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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