just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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