But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
