yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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