Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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