I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
