I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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