so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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