i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
