He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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