today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think a kid would responsible me up
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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