What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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