I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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