Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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