there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
