Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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