I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
