Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
