put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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