The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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