I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
