All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize