He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize