dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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