he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
