I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
