I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
