drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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