Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
