Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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