i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
