If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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