YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
