Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
