this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
