so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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