roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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