Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
