Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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