She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize