Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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