i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize