Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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