Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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