i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
