Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
