are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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