all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
