you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Randomize