Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
