Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
